Scratches

her head with the appearance of having been beaten ferociously with a heavy copper sauce pan

but for that beautiful nonetheless

and within that fractured, wrong dome a memory

 

I need to outline this a lot more, and come up with a cohesive theme. The basic structure is that each stanza outlines a memory of someone, who in turn remembers someone else, and it all ends with something like

and within that mind lies memories I can not say.

 

So the structure seems sound — I’d like to use a proper meter, probably iambic pentameter, or maybe something exotic — no rhyming I don’t think, although I think I’d like to have an audible structure as well: like moon and turn, if you end sentences with them it doesn’t rhyme, but it’s close and they share some auditory traits; well, they’re the same length and they end in ‘n’ which is close enough for me.

But what the fuck is this poem about, anyway? I thought I was going to develop themes first and then content and structure. Thoughts:

  • each stanza outlines a memory of a person or place (maybe not place)
  • each stanza ends introducing the next memory – so the poem is a memory within a memory within a memory… et cetera
  • some stanzas like the one above highlight physical characteristics – I guess whatever would be most memorable about the character; could be physical or emotion, or an event “of Magdalena who walked among flowers always barefoot and foolish and laughing at thorns and blood” or something that doesn’t suck at least
  • and a theme. Theme theme theme theme

Requires more thought / work, but has potential

Other poems:

  1. a poem about “Slimy to the Moon,” my D&D adventure about a town taken over by oozes – very likely come across as a horror
  2. a poem about the other adventure about a war between angels and demons orchestrated by agents of pure chaos – likely come across as a Divine Comedy knock-off

 

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